It is pretty clear that my enthusiasm for this blog quickly fizzled being it took me 5 months to attempt another post.  Here is what I have narrowed it down to: A) unclear of the value of this project.  B)  withholding information that would make posting relevant and C) should I really be spending my time on this or is it better spent on keeping laundry up, dishes cleaned, groceries stocked?

Since I went to the effort to build the blog (actually my boys, Corbin and Casey did) I need to get out there and make something of it.  Wasted time or not.  Truth is truth and we all have confessions that we are less than excited to share.   Here is one that in concept is not supposed to be considered a sin but I assure you, to society, it is a complete disgrace.  I am poor.  Really!  Suzie Orman would be disgusted with me.  I didn’t start poor and I know in my soul this is not supposed to be my final outcome.  Digging out of this hot mess is a journey that brings all kinds of heartbreak, lost relationships, humility, fear and you learn the truth about integrity and character – who has it and who doesn’t.    

We didnt live outside our means, we were in the 5th year of building our business, the year that we would start catching up and earning a solid income.  Instead we got caught in the undertow of the economy crash and made as many bad decisions possible while trying to save our business and the employees that we cherished.  We were hoping the fall out of the construction industry would recover before we hit rock bottom…..it did not.  There is no reward for our efforts, in fact it was a thankless attempt that from someone else’s angle probably seemed ignorant.  I will tell you, watching your life fall apart and grasping at every small thread you can is heroic.  Unless you have lived it (and I truly hope you never will) you will not understand the sleepless nights with your heart racing or the pain of knowing that some of your closest friends, even some family walk away and do not care if you have a dime in your pocket or if your kids will eat.  When everything is going great you are surrounded by smiling faces and loads of love – just don’t fail, it will cost you more than the money in your bank account.

So here I am, grateful that the knock at the door this morning was the Mormons trying to save me from the depths of hell and not the mailman with a certified letter or the mortgage company with a foreclosure notice.   I am poor