It is a little soon for this, however let’s just get it all out in the open.  It really isn’t that shocking if you are Catholic.  Every family has one, though some are an uncle, a sister, a grandparent, a cousin – ours is my husband….he is an alcoholic and it sucks!  He wasn’t supposed to be, he was supposed to fight for his family, he was supposed to want more for himself and we were supposed to watch out for each other…..that was the promise anyway.  He was sober for 12 years before relapsing, which is a loose term since a relapse is a limited duration and his became a full on mission.  8 of those sober years were fantastic though 4 would be described as a dry drunk.

We were a close family, a team.  People envied our unity and I was so proud of the family we created but as hard as we worked for this picture perfect family, it quickly slipped away.  Almost in a day.  For an alcoholic it takes very little effort to destroy your life.  The addiction is a job in itself.  Constant planning, manuevering and covering your story while organzing your inventory to keep from being detected.  It is a very flawed attempt each day that is promised a devastating outcome.  The dance that goes on is insane for both the addict and those around them.  All I know for certain is that I can’t win someone else’s battle.  It doesn’t matter if I beg, cry, scream, threaten or expose the truth – I shamelessly tried them all.  I won’t continue to watch this disease tear us apart but at least I can say I fought hard in hopes for a happily ever after.  I didn’t just let him go, I gave it everything I had until I realized he would take all of us with him.  I can accept a lot but never mess with my kids! That is the ultimate deal breaker and rightfully so.

He will be in my prayers always.  He loved a bottle of whiskey that would never love him back.  I am no competition for addiction.  If you know this journey, you are in my prayers also.  Hold your head up and find your footing, it does not have to own you but healing doesn’t begin until you set yourself free.