When I was growing up there was this picture at a friend of my parents house and I remember when I looked at it I thought it was so amazing that their kids weren’t junk.  As for me, I spent years trying to figure out how I could be somebody too instead of junk.  I truly thought the words that went to the picture did not apply to me. (This isn’t meant to be a sob story.  I have already completed the self destructive phase, attended plenty of therapy, until finally with time and maturity, I learned to embrace me for me, flaws and all). My childhood was not a particularly happy one.  I was scared of my parents, we were left alone a lot and I often felt uncomfortable in my own home.  I knew it wasn’t a place for me, as I got older I looked for every opportunity to be away from home.  What I did know was that I felt comfortable at my friend’s houses.  I liked the interaction between the parents, the parents and the kids and I liked how they treated me.  I knew I wanted that and as a parent myself now, I am grateful for the examples and role models that seasoned my childhood so that I would strive to do better for my kids.

As a mom, I was certain of my role to perfect all the imperfections of my crappy adolescence.  This has translated into a mom with determination that though I put out a great daily effort, wobbles between being a tiger/helicopter mom, June Cleaver (look her up if you need a visual reference), mama bear and an excessively enthusiastic cheerleader that should have aged out long ago, which can then be reduced into two words: hot mess!   Ever grateful to my kids for being brutally honest, generally through humor, when my intentions lean too far into one or more of the above mentioned “mom modes”.  Their fortitude and acceptance of my general goal is helping keep us on track and is necessary in making me aware of my maternal over managment.  I, in turn, devote as many hours of my day getting them on task, setting standards, enforcting rules and providing structure, etc. It is a fair deal as well as a job I am happy to have even with the withered social life and lack of sleep.  I get 18 years to ruin or encourage them.  So far I have more points in the ENCOURAGE column, my game plan seems to have traction.  I love the feeling of being somebody!