I have a distinct unintentional talent that is mostly made of confusion.  I tend to cause a commotion of words which leaves the people around me so lost that they just move me along with a favorable outcome.  I imagine that in just two sentences I have already confused you!  Follow me, it goes like this; there is an event of some sort, for instance, getting pulled over by the police.  By the time I have articulated the jumbled mess going on in my head, the police officer just wants to get away from me, thus leaving without issuing a ticket.  Case in point, I was coming home from Corbin’s rugby tournament with the kids and one of his teammates, I got pulled over for speeding.  Before the officer approached the car I had my registration, license and proof of insurance in my hand.  He asked me if I knew how fast I was going.  “Sir, I have no idea where I am.  These boys just got done with a rugby tournament back there at the college.  I am trying to get to the freeway but can’t remember if this is the road I was on to get to the field because we stopped for milkshakes.  Do you know if I am going the right way (no pause) because I was just following along the road in hopes the cars in front of me were going to the freeway.  I have been looking for a speed limit sign but haven’t seen one yet so I just kept up with everyone else.  What is the speed limit?”  Mr. Police Officer is disinterestedly listening as he looks through the documentation I have handed over and says “it’s a 35, yes you are heading towards the freeway.  Please slow down, I am letting you go with just a warning.”  He definitely just wanted me to be on my merry little way and stop talking.  There was no begging, sensuality, crying or negotiations.  Simple aimless jibber jabber and a dash of mercy are often on my side.

This is not an isolated incident however I am not real pleased anytime I see the red and blue flashing lights.   Unfortunately, I got pulled over last week  because I had a headlight out.  Again, I had my documentation ready by the time the officer approached the car.  Before he could even talk, I handed him the paperwork, told him I knew exactly why he was pulling me over, explained that it had just went out the day before and that I would be getting a new one by the next day (all true) and then finished the sentence by offering him ¾ of the leftover 5 layer chocolate cake from Costco that was balanced on Casey’s lap.  As with before, he just wanted to go and off I went with a warning.

Clearly this is a workable quality in tight situations that not only comes in handy with police but it also proves successful when making merchandise returns at stores, school conferences, traveling and buying cars.  The plan going on in my head is intricate, well thought, researched when necessary and balanced with an understanding of their perspective.  I know the car dealer does not want to part ways with his fine used car for my 17 year old son without a ruthless profit but I worked in a car dealership processing the deals and know what kind of margin they are looking for.  I go in with as much knowledge as I can gather and then match their jargon toe to toe but I add so much extra information until they either give in or I confidently walk away, at which point I know we reached the final price.

In all instances of interaction, it is important that I maintain kindness and integrity.  It is so easy for this to become a match of stubbornness and conceit which I am then winning by being a bitch.  That isn’t really a win at all nor a policy I want to be known for.  Who can feel good walking away from that?  I want both parties to be smiling whenever possible, though, of course that is not always possible but making a good attempt is still essential.

This power is not limited to verbal encounters.   My actions can carry their own weight of confusion.  I am best left to myself for shopping, working and other tasks.  Definitely don’t ask me to play on your Rec Softball League; that is a whole other cluster of confusion for another day.  Anyway, it all gets done but it certainly doesn’t follow a straight destination from A to B.   I am not actually proud of this personal proceedure that occurs just in the course of being me though at times it does have its perks.